I am not alone

Tension running high today....... wow, I don't think I have ever been in a class where the looks on everyone's face explains it all. We took a test today and of course that means I spent yesterday..(in between my breakdown) and Monday night studying my butt off for this test...APRIL DID IT PAY OFF???? But I am excited in a weird way that I am not alone when it comes to crunch time and stressing out!!!!
I woke up today took a shower, got dressed, and left. In about 10min into my drive it started snowing, how sucky. Not only does it start snowing but like it's suppose to be some sort of "big snow storm" great now I thought I was going to be stuck in Fairmont..2 1/2hrs away from home..whatever! But I pressed on!! trust me I didn't want to I wanted to go home, but kept on going. Thank GOD that the snow waited to get really bad until I got home, granted took me OVER 3HRS TO GET HOME..why you ask, because I was going 40mph because the roads were a little bad, and there were like 3 bad wrecks and I wanted to be safe.
Because of the weather Mike (from fingerspelling) can be greatful cause I couldn't stay for fingerspelling SO NO BEAT DOWNS TODAY!...and trust me there was alot of aggression I could have let out!! :) Overall after finishing the test I feel better. I called GRANDMA today...she's my encourager!! Now this woman is the only grandma I have and really the only immediate family member that even contacts me (besides dad,mom,violet,mother..yes two mom's its weird)aw..poor me. But back on track, I called grandma and told her about my emotional breakdown lastnight that I felt my life was going crazy, lack of sleep, hardly anytime with kids, tired of driving, blah blah blah....She told me she knew it was hard but hang in there it will be worth it..! What a wonderful woman..Even in her 70 + (your not getting her age :) yrs she is still encouraging me..i love her. That woman is my inspiration to interpreting! If it wasn't for her I would not be in this program. I don't think I can do it, but she does. She told me she can see improvement...YEAH! RIGHT NOW I AM FEELING GOOD..DON'T BURST MY BUBBLE! So either the Deaf community one day will thank Grandma for encouraging me because I will be a great interpreter or they will HATE her for encouraging me on because they think I suck....WHICH ONE WILL IT BE??????

Fridays post 2/15 and wed 2/13

WEDNESDAY SOME MIGHT THINK I AM LYING BUT IT'S TOTALLY SNOWING HERE IN THE WONDERFUL TOWN OF ST. ALBANS. THE ROADS ARE COMPLETELY COVERED AND UNDER THE SNOW IS ICE. I AM NOT DRIVING TODAY. SORRY!! BUT NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME I WANT TO BE ALIVE.

FRIDAY...TODAY, AGAIN I HAVE TO MISS FINGERSPELLING. I VERY MUCH ENJOY THAT CLASS. HAVING EVERYONE LAUGH AT THE ITP STUDENT WHO IS NOT KEEPING UP WITH THE FIRST YEAR ASL STUDENTS. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! BUT THAT'S OK..I STILL SMART:) HUM...DO YOU WANT TO GUESS WHAT I WILL BE DOING THIS WEEKEND...STUDYING! WE HAVE A TEST IN THE BLUE BOOK..AND AS EVERYONE KNOWS THE BLUE BOOK TESTS ARE BY FAR HARDER THEN ANY OTHER TESTS!

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL, RACHEL, IN YOUR BLOG ABOUT GOING TO ROANE COUNTY SCHOOLS. ARE YOU KIDDING...I AM FREAKED OUT AND NOT SURE IF APRIL HAS ANY IDEA WHAT SHE IS DOING PLACING ME THERE...:) A PART OF ME FEELS REALLY GOOD AND UP LIFTED THAT APRIL EVEN CONSIDERED PUTTING ME THERE. I HAVE NEVER HAD ANYONE OFFER TO ALLOW ME TO FOLLOW AND LEARN FROM THEM OR OFFER TO BE MY MENTOR. SHILOH IS EITHER REALLY A SMART WOMAN TO OFFER OR COMPLETELY GOING TO REGRET ME, BECAUSE I AM GOING TO BE STUCK TO HER LIKE GLUE..FEEDING FOR ANY HELPFUL INSIGHT, INFORMATION, NEW SIGNS, ECT. SHE MIGHT CALL YOU, APRIL, AND TELL YOU TO TAKE ME BACK:) THAT'S WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO..TRY TO SEND ME BACK WHERE I CAME FROM!

stressed out itp student

Ok...let's see if this actually works. Definitely kinda new to this whole thing.. I guess this is my venting board, today sucked!!!! I totally spent around 10-12hrs studying this weekend to come in and test and find that what I studied wasn't even on the test. Where did I go wrong? I can definitely say that I probably was the most stressed out today than I have been this semester. Knowing that we have so much to do in such a little time is stressful anyway, but then to have test back to back (at least it feels like it) to finish so we can go to practicum within like a month and a half or so just feels so overwhelming. See, for some people studying comes natural or making good grades comes natural but for me...NOT!!! I have to study for HOURS AND HOURS and then I am just relying on prayer to get me through. :) Seriously, I was never the type of person that just made good grades or educationally things came easy to me, nope not me. I think that's why I am so stressed. I am not undernurished by any means, but completely sleeped deprived and studied out. And I think I am just trying to juggle being a mom, student, traveling, and, somewhere, sleeping in all of this. But guess what I am doing tonight...........yep, STUDYING! Poor Rachel who sits beside me and continues to pat me on the back....I think she can sense my stress...or she just feels really sorry for me because she thinks I am being over dramatic..who knows. But all the stress from today was bottled so deep within me that during a fingerspelling class I would let it out on poor MIKE! haha...during a competition I hit a guy from a fingerspelling class that I am technically not a part of ..they just allow Rachel and I to join..Basically so they can laugh at our lack of skills. But poor Mike didn't see getting a beat down coming. Not really a beat down..just smacked him in his stomach.
But in all seriousness, I just want this so bad that I am stressing, thinking interpreting is beyond my capabilities and above any goal that I can set. It's like when I actually think I can do this and be remotely good, something happens to discourage me. I am totally at odds within myself. Sometimes I am waiting to just hear someone tell me to stop trying this isn't for me. I think that's why I keep asking April if she thinks I can do this. Don't LIE!! That's normally what I say. HEy APRIL YOU'RE READING THIS...FEEL FREE TO TELL ME THE TRUTH..I CAN TAKE IT LIKE A WOMAN! Well now that I have shared my depressing feelings for the day to the world..I think I actually might feel better:)

stressed out itp student

Hi,

I'm Jasmin (actually, I'm Rachel, writing as Jasmin), and this is just to remind me to do my journal.

I thought I'd be a cool kid and start blogging like my dear friend Rachel. She is the epitome of cool, and I want to be just like her.

Okay, I'm going to come back and write a more efficient post.

Peace Out, C-Town Down.

-J